that star in the sky

on a whim.

2011-09-23T05:03:00.003-07:00

On a whim I decided to alight at a bus stop two stops from where I usually alight. I used to stop there when I took the bus back from NYP 3-4 years back actually, but after I stopped taking 852 I've never alighted there anymore. But tonight a mixture of nostalgia and the urgent need to pee made me press the bell, and I'm kind of glad I walked that way.

It reminded me of walks back from secondary school, of walks back from poly, and of the first boyfriend, the first breakup. I almost forgot the bench I sat on when ah kent talked to me that night; had to turn back and look, in fact. This isn't meant to be some emo entry, just the pouring out of that sudden rush of memories that comes everytime you walk a route you haven't walked in a long time.

i haven't been able to put my thoughts down in a while, but somehow today, I felt I could write. Not that anybody reads anymore, but somehow the words came out easily tonight.

velda.

dareka.

2011-08-30T01:32:00.001-07:00

yes, I know. and I'm reminded every single day.
I'm rather useless when it comes to this, I know.
だれか、助けて

yah, right.

2011-08-17T00:13:00.004-07:00

I've stopped writing regularly, because suddenly I didn't know what to talk about, and I didn't know what affected me anymore.

I might be okay, but actually I don't know how okay I am.
I can tell myself I'm okay, but seriously I have no idea. Honestly? I don't know.
But because it's me, I always appear okay. I know. It sucks, but I've gone beyond that a long time ago.

"I told myself to stop crying, because I didn't want you to feel guilty."
When I told ruilong about that, she said something that hit home so bad.

Ruilong Goh: you love him so much that you dont want him to feel guilty

even though I was hurting like anything inside.

fuck that. I really know how to hurt myself sometimes.

velda.

august looks like this.

2011-08-10T08:40:00.004-07:00

very interesting conversations we had today, dear friends. and I'm kind of glad we recorded it, sadistically speaking. I didn't know this was how I talked to people, and this was how people replied to me. listening back its freaking hilarious. thanks dude, for making me laugh like a siao kao again.

been rather tired these few days, maybe its the daily trips into school and the sleep that doesn't come that easily sometimes. But its just fourteen weeks of this, and I should chiong.

velda.

things to get used to back home.

2011-08-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Traffic light man is green, not white.
Ez link card must 'tee' before alighting.
I forgot its called Jalan Bahar.
What's a cashcard?

velda.

630am for the nth time.

2011-07-26T15:20:00.003-07:00

I've not been sleeping for a full stretch of at least 6 hours at all. Sleeping and waking, and sleeping and waking, every 2, 3 hours, and feeling like shit everytime I do. Is this how jet lag's supposed to be? I believe external factors helped too.

Loads of work to do for FYP, and I really want to come up with an awesome awesome paper. You know, firstly because it's basically the most important thing I have to deliver out of these 4 years of university, and secondly, to let you know, that all I've said about how I can use school to cope with every other distracting thing in my life is fucking true. I have more pride than that, and you couldn't see that.

I should be way above this.

velda.

agatha christie.

2011-07-22T13:16:00.004-07:00

'You must have loved him very much,' said Mr Satterthwaite gently.
'To make such a sacrifice?' She laughed.
'Not quite that. To make it so light-heartedly.'
'Ah, yes - perhaps - you are right.'

(Harlequin's Lane in The Mysterious Mr Quin, by Agatha Christie)

---

I know a hundred ways of love, and each one makes the loved one rue.

(Sleeping Murder, by Agatha Christie)

---

hauntingly beautiful sentences and words.

I do love so much of her work, and the second quote is one I would never forget.

velda.

LAX.

2011-07-19T18:43:00.002-07:00

5 more hours to takeoff. It's goodbye the United States of America, and hello Singapore. Oh, with Korea somewhere in the middle. And I think I mentioned before that sayonara is used for a separation that's over a longer period of time.

Therefore, in more senses of the word than one,

サヨナラ、私の愛した人。

velda.

Sorry i didn't mean to call.

2011-07-18T10:06:00.002-07:00

曲：Pure Imagination - Gene Wilder

You know, I have been so confused. 7 hours before I leave Seattle, and I haven't really solved anything. Mum said I have matured, but I think circumstances caused me to. I suppose it tends to happen like that, but this feeling isn't very good, I suppose. I've grown to realise that you are a person of few words, though it seems like you talk a lot, and you tell a lot of stuff, but what you feel inside tends to stay within. Through your actions I learned to understand how you feel, and no longer hanker after you for words of reassurance. It sometimes plants seeds of doubt within me, and makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. And maybe, too, I just am afraid to know what you might say.

Maybe there isn't a right or a wrong, there just is what you want and don't. I never used to believe in fate, because I believed that everything you want you would have to earn it. But this time round, perhaps to make myself feel better, I'd say I'd leave it to fate.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

velda.

quarter-life.

2011-07-14T20:04:00.002-07:00

You know what, I do feel the age coming along. In another, say 5 more months I will be 24, and that's when you suddenly realise, omg the quarter-life crisis is coming up. At 25 you start thinking about life ahead, about work and salaries, about marriages and babies, and about houses and settling down. It's kinda amazing how much your life can change in a span of a few months, how it can rise and fall flat in your face or make you feel like nothing can get you down.

Thank you, guys, for being the most awesome friends one can have. I always forget, but you all never fail to remind me that fact through your words and actions.

I'm coming home.

velda.

手放開

2011-07-12T18:39:00.001-07:00

我把自己關起來只留下一個陽台
每當天黑推開窗對著夜幕發呆
看著往事　一幕一幕　再次演出你我的愛

我把電視機打開聽著別人的對白
也許那些故事可以給我一個交代
你要的愛　我學不來　眼睜睜看情變壞　人怔怔看情感慨

不能給你未來　我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待　當眼淚留下來
傷已超載　分開也是另一種明白

我給你最後的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最後的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台　有人走　有人來
我的心是一個站牌　寫著等待

我把收音機打開聽著別人的失敗
哽咽的聲音彷彿訴說著相同悲哀
你的依賴　還在胸懷　我無法輕易推開　我無法隨便走開
感情中專心的人容易被傷害

so much to think about it's scary.

2011-07-10T15:41:00.003-07:00

Reading friends' blogs made me suddenly want to put my thoughts down again, so I just decided to start typing and see where this post leads to. I agree with what you said, Yong Xi, that sometimes when I'm writing something it might be easier to think about the fact that I can just not press the Publish Post button and leave it hidden in my lists of posts till the day I go back and read it and realise what a stupid, emotional fool I've been. But sometimes, I suppose that thought at the back of my head that I'm going to be publishing what I'm typing now and people who know me are going to read it does make it easier to organise all that nonsense that's going on inside my head.

The plethora of advice and massive amount of care and concern I've received from everyone around me has been nothing short of amazing; once again it made me realise how blessed I am to have all these people around me.

Mr Azhar's birthday just came and went, and now just watching the video we did for him in 2007 kind of gets me a bit. I cannot believe it has been 4 years since we did that and I suppose so many things have changed since then. I don't believe life was any simpler or harder, it just.. has changed. Most of it in a good way I think, though with age comes a lot of other things as well.

Pardon the sudden jump in topics; I'm not that trained to write coherently sometimes, especially when I've just told myself I'm just going to write what's in my head and heck everything else.

Okay, back to what I was going to say about how blessed I am - I guess not a year passes by without me thinking about how I handle the relationships in my life - between family, friends, special people in my life, teachers, acquaintances etc. I don't usually set out to think about them, but things will happen that cause me to have to think about them, and through this events I grow I think. It is my 24th year on this planet, and still I'm going through periods of big adjustment in my life, big enough for me to see that I haven't fully matured yet to be at peace with myself. Maybe one would never reach that stage of self-actualization ever, but I think everyone tries their best to be as close to it as possible. And obviously I don't think I'm close enough yet.

But I would like to believe with every stage in my life I've grown stronger. And it's only through the support of people around me can I feel like that. So, thank you.

velda.

ganbannakya.

2011-07-05T10:08:00.004-07:00

Cannot believe it's July already. It's been kind of an exciting month, really. I started the month in Seattle, and ended it here in Seattle as well. It's kind of nice to be able to take these few last weeks I have in Seattle slowly, before going back to Singapore and dealing with that big hurdle called FYP.

Things have been happening, and I have been feeling rather helpless lately, seeing that I can only move with whatever's being decided. It's kind of confusing, but I'm trying to take it in my stride. 頑張んなきゃ。

私にとってこの人は大切な存在だから、諦めたくない。私自身にも諦めたくないから、ちょっと辛くても大丈夫。私ならできると思う。

or at least, that's what I tell myself.

velda.

St Louis, MO.

2011-06-26T11:24:00.002-07:00

Checking in from St Louis, MO. So lucky that the weather's been rather forgiving and the sun's not been out, so I have been able to walk around without feeling like I was going to die. Houston was horrible that way, though the city itself was gorgeous. I count some blessings in this extended long round trip back to Seattle - I got to see both Minute Maid Park and Busch Stadium. Baseball parks have always been fascinating to me; their size, grandeur and just that overwhelming feeling you get when you look into the stadium and see the baseball diamond and the seats. Kinda sorry now I miss the Nationals Stadium when in DC, though it was kind of hard to access.

And the Gateway Arch is rather breathtaking. Saw it in the ads for the All-Star Game in '09, never forgot it since.

I was supposed to take pictures in the train as I'm traveling, but everytime I get on I just get so bushed I go straight into relaxation mode. I shall try later, when I make my way into Kansas City, MO. Now this Kansas City in Missouri and Kansas thing kinda got to me a bit. Initially I went, whaaa Kansas City's in Missouri? Oh, but there's a Kansas City, KS too.. oh they're just opposite each other.. riight. But I learnt something, haha.

Cannot wait to finish up this segment of my trip and get back to Seattle. Though there's loads to settle when I'm back as well. I do think I need a looong bath. Wet wipes are my saviour now.

velda.

mirai ga mieru.

2011-06-24T10:31:00.003-07:00

On a side note, it is time to seriously consider:

GRE tests
Grad school options
scholarships
future steps in my life

People I need to meet to help me with that:

Mum
KK
Bee

---

velda.

On the road to Texas.

2011-06-24T07:38:00.002-07:00

曲：Ellie My Love - Ray Charles

A 9 hour train journey from New Orleans, and we're in Houston, Texas, where the landscape cnt be any more different than the place we just left. Ans soon it will be a long long journey back to the west coast, but I'm kinda looking forward to it. Mercifully I do not get that horrible motion sickness that I tend to get when I'm on something moving, ie, buses, planes, erm lifts - you get the picture.

---

Now that I'm trying to stock up my Kindle library I'm back to Tom Holt again. He always makes me laugh, really. I somehow find him easier to absorb than Douglas Adams, but I suppose no one can contest the genius that was 42. Need those Japanese mystery writers to get their works translated as well. Hehehe.

---

Now, a bit of insightful reflection on my emotional status.. I suppose it's kind of messed up right now, but I accept that, seeing that I haven't been thinking so much for the longest time. Long train rides tend to do this to you, you know. Especially when the train is hurtling past scenery of little consequence and reception on the phone sporadic at best. It's time to go home, and get this tangle straightened out. I know you guys are worried, but I've been doing rather well recently, and am justifiably proud of myself. Wahaha. Oh, and the Kindle's an added blessing.

I cannot really understand my fascination with trains, really. But I'll try to explain with pictures soon.

velda.

between the Capitol and Lincoln Memorial.

2011-06-18T20:47:00.003-07:00

That night when I suddenly realised so many things when talking to you was one of the scariest nights I had in the longest longest time. Maybe I have been so used to having you around that the thought of suddenly losing you because I never tried hard enough to keep you terrified me. I was scared, for sure, but I know we can work this out. Because that's why this has been so amazing so far, and I wouldn't let it go.

Many things happened today while I was out on my own -

1) I saw fireflies for the first time today, qii, and all I could think about was how happy you would have been if you were here. =)

2) I met a Pakistani-American guy who basically told me in my face he was looking for someone to get married to, and I was that nice person he met in that magical moment. In fact, he wasn't scary, and actually he came at the right time when I needed to talk to someone. I know I shouldn't have poured out everything, but maybe I just needed to have someone to talk to. Someone who didn't know the situation, and would just listen. I had to leave after a while, though, before it got too intense, or if he felt I was giving him hints. Too straightforward lah, some people. Quite an amazing experience.

3) I got off at the wrong stop on the DC Metro and walked to the right one on foot, at the same time people watching the crowd at Dupont Circle. It was rather liberating. Andre said I haven't had alone time in the longest time, and I guess he's right. I needed some time to myself today.

DC has been good. I saw things and buildings and met people I never thought I would, and grew up just a little inside. It's time to think about school, though.

velda.

new york, new york (and a bit of brooklyn).

2011-06-13T20:45:00.002-07:00

曲：Myriad Harbour - The New Pornographers

And without warning we're suddenly on our whirlwind tour of the US, first leaving Seattle the day we hand in our last report, touring Buffalo for one day, and then straight on to New York City. It is kind of tiring, but somehow more emotionally than anything else. Everyone's kind of looking at me as though I might burst a nerve soon, or break down into tears the next moment. I don't seem that weak, do I?

And it's been fun travelling with Andre, Cheryl and the lot.

--

I've been trying to finish this entry for the past two days, but it hasn't been happening. But seeing that I'm FREAKING high today from Broadway, I think I see the finishing line for this.

Phantom of the Opera was rather mind-blowing; Andre, Doh and I were in awe at the end. I'm so glad our first musical in Broadway was something as epic as that. Thank you, guys, for making this first experience such an enjoyable one. =) Andre was jizzing at Rockefeller Center when we managed to catch Jimmy Fallon rehearse his monologue in front of us in his studio, which was, I admit, kind of very cool. Haha.

And my YANKEES game tomorrow. Yes, I know the Yankees don't happen to be the favourite team on any self-respecting fan's list, but the Yankees Stadium in the Bronx is one of the holy grails of Major League Baseball, and I'm glad that Andy Chua decided to go with me. Will take more more pictures tmr.

The internet and its amazing lagginess is rather pissing me off. WHYY.

velda.

a thankyou note.

2011-06-07T22:07:00.004-07:00

曲：寂寞的季節 - 陶喆

Yes, I have been wanting to post, for all the lovely kaypoh people in my life who might remotely wonder what I have been doing for the past week, well, it's kinda hard to say anything at the moment, but trust me enough to say that it's been good, assignments and exams notwithstanding.

Last official days in Seattle, and I cannot help but look at the UW campus and U-district and think about the six months here. They have passed in a flash, really, culminating in something rather amazing. An experience I wouldn't give up for the world. The new friends, the chance to learn more about the world and myself in general, and everything in between. And yes, while I am coming back in one month, I kind of realise it's ended, GIP. And I wonder what this one month will take, for both me and Andre. To the people I've grown to love here, Sarah, Cheryl, Piong, Tong, Yeeling, Jerome and the RM lovelies - it's been amazing, this journey together with you guys. To Wang Hao, thanks for being everything I never expected to have, really.

To the people back home, you've been missed so much by me you won't ever believe it. I'll be home soon.

When it's back to school in August it's going to be different altogether. Time to really work hard and get this BA behind me.

velda.

Hasta la vista.

2011-06-02T14:27:00.002-07:00

Long entry time, because I have so much to talk about:

I'm so glad I have you, because you again made me see how stupid and emotionally affected I can get about things. I was this close to disappointing myself and a lot of other people in the process. But I think, I really think, that Velda is back. For the past two days I've been a living effigy of myself; too much to think about, and thinking too much as a result. I wouldn't deny I have been selfish and cock about things recently.

And I want to be able to be proud of myself, and I know I have to be rational about this. Thank goodness for people like Qii, Cheryl, Doh, Marmar and Ah Soon. You guys are around to calm my raging mind and I know you guys just want the best for me. And I won't want to disappoint.

And so you know what? I think I've gotten over the worst of it. Suddenly just stepping out of the house I felt like myself again. Going to class and speaking up for gradualist theories in creole genesis make me feel like the linguistics student I always was. So, darling, I am so back. =)

---

Another thing. When you drop all that baggage and talk to someone without feeling like you need to be careful with your words, how much easier it becomes. I'm loving that right now.

---

Pidgins and Creoles officially ended today; and Clarissa is so awesome, she teared knowing that half the class' going to graduate after this. Totally enjoyed being a part of this class, and making the friends we have. I think in all everything about studying in UW has changed a lot of my opinions on things. I am so grateful to Deaf Studies and Linguistics of ASL, to Pidgins and Creoles, and my Geography modules.

And I'm really, really glad I came to Seattle.

Whatup with all that emo nonsense right, last week in Seattle alr. Tong, Sarah and Cheryl are all getting to me. =)

velda.

its times like this.

2011-06-01T13:53:00.002-07:00

曲：分手總要在雨天 - 張學友

My final swan song to you. Things have changed so fast that I haven't yet had time to catch up, but I had to write this to clear my thoughts up a little first. Even though to you we might not have shared anything special, I do get that feeling that perhaps, maybe just perhaps, we did. I don't know how differently you might see me when you find out, but through that unique, sometimes incomprehensible way of yours, you might tell me soon enough.

I did have a fun, albeit frustrating one year. You probably wouldn't have ever thought that was possible, but there you go.

Now I realise that that first noun phrase in itself is redundant, seeing that swan song does entail finality. But oh well.
Goodbye now, and godspeed to you, my friend.

velda.

yabai.

2011-05-31T12:34:00.001-07:00

やばい。
久しぶりの指の痛み。
やばい。

vancouverrr.

2011-05-31T02:05:00.002-07:00

曲：Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley

Am so glad I went with Andre to the Jenny and Johnny concert in Vancouver - the setting was intimate and the music was as good as it was heart-warming. Really love this last song by Jenny Lewis, which, according to Andre has a more pop-ish treatment in the original recording. The version she did at the concert was mindblowing.

hurray hurray
I'm your silver lining
hurray hurray
but now I'm gold

I couldn't really decide whether I liked Vancouver or not. It was a city that had character, that's for sure, but I'm sure I love Seattle better. Yet, I'm glad I went, cause I saw so much, and learned much more. Cliche but true, lah.

Baseball for tonight has been blacked out by some computer glitch, so I suppose its kind of fated that I should go to sleep right now. Shall post up Vancouver pics soon.

Stuff to think about.

velda.

makoto.

2011-05-25T08:02:00.002-07:00

Blogging at 8am in the morning; finally had my really good sleep last night after days of not being able to sleep when I wanted because of prior plans to go out and rushing assignments.

I have always wondered about being honest on my blog, and sometimes it's been quite a struggle. Cause if you think about it, you do write a blog for a targeted audience, sometimes, just for one person. But recently it's been weird, because I realise if I'm not honest with myself I won't remember what I wrote about 2 years later when i go back to read it. Most of it's still okay, but sometimes I have a cryptic line or two that I cannot remember for the life of me why I wrote down. Oh well.

And it's weird, cause recently I do feel the need to be honest with myself about things.

It's kinda hard to do still, but anyhow this might help me remember that.

velda.

over one day.

2011-05-22T00:18:00.003-07:00

LAST NIGHT:

No music because Sarah and Andre are both sleeping, and the whole house is awfully quiet right now. Even my typing is freaking loud.

So Andre is here, arriving earlier than we expected at the airport, so I didn't get to use my Yam Ah Mee placard to its full effect. We have shots of him carrying that bright yellow sign though.

THIS MORNING:

Didn't finish my blog post, cause 1) I was thinking whether to post my photos lest I get too much of a backlog, 2) I was watching the Mariners win against the Padres on baseball and 3) after a day trip to Mount Rainier and an impromptu Singaporean gathering in Mee Sum I was totally strung out.

TONIGHT:

Yes, I am really shagged. Long day ahead tmr, and I'm still watching baseball.
Doh and Deanna both here alr, kind of surreal. Its like I have to remind ourselves we're not in hall, we're here. In Seattle. Makes me miss hall people.
I really have special people to thank before I leave Seattle.

velda.

because I can, and will.

2011-05-18T00:57:00.003-07:00

曲：害怕 - 林俊傑

I don't usually rate the songs on my playlist, but I remember Candy asking me once when she was going through my itunes library why this was the only song that I rated in the whole list. To tell you the truth I couldn't for the life of me remember why, but I think it was the goosebumps I felt when listening to it in earnest the first time. The lyrics, and JJ Lin's voice. Chinese songs to me are good sometimes, because the lyrics have the amazing power of just eating into you.

我突然覺得有點怕愛跟生活的一切
你以為我知道怎麼拆開我們的想法和落差

我的愛是說停不能停已經濃的不能說是曾經
也可說成我是錯的愛未曾變成真的也沒談到多少你需要的愛

我不再去執著我是誰或是我在夜裡掉的眼淚
也可說我看不開的為你我能做的竟還沒讓你相信是愛情左右你我

I want to believe; that I'm not wasting my time on you, but it's hard sometimes.
I need to shower this emoness away.

And my eyes are closing. Long day tmr, school, pick Andre up at Seatac, baseball at night. I cannot believe I'm going home soon.

We met amazing people at Malaysian Night that day. Chef David owns a well-known Italian restaurant in Seattle, and every month he holds a dinner night where he serves Malaysian food. He reminded so much of Chef Calvin and Chef Christopher, Dave, and all those great chefs mixed tgt I felt totally at home with him. Ai Lin reminded me so much of my siyi I couldn't help grin whenever she started talking to me, no matter what she was talking about. It was so great to meet homely, down-to-earth Singaporeans in Seattle. Too bad we only got to know them just as we're getting ready to leave. But I had durian panna cotta that night. It was awesome, and I am at peace.

velda.

そのまま。

2011-05-14T20:27:00.002-07:00

曲：Falling In Love Again - Eagle-Eye Cherry

Rain outside the window, and a crazy load of work to do before the end of the weekend. But here I am, procrastinating as usual. Inertia usually sets in before the stress to finish writing a paper in one day does.

And sometimes it's more than just inertia, I suppose.

velda.

damnit.

2011-05-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

I cannot concentrate on writing a one page report for chrissakes, and I'm angry with myself. Because I know the reason, and I don't like the fact that I cannot do anything about it. できるのは待つことだけです。

velda.

I, gamer.

2011-05-10T18:39:00.006-07:00

曲：The Castle - Tomas Dvorak

GOT HOW CHIO. I was just staring at every single scene.

Machinarium - what a beautiful game. I was thinking of playing something a bit different from all the murder mystery nonsense I always play - and the App Store recommended this. I was super attracted by the graphics, and omg when I first opened it it immediately reminded me of something from a Studio Ghibli animated film - hand-drawn and beautifully painted. I was really blown away. And robots and metal pieces and steam nonsense - even better. It was so pretty I couldn't bear to finish it. And even though it was totally pictorial and had no dialogue, it was SUPER difficult. Maybe it's just me being an inexperienced gamer cause I got stuck dunno how many times and had to do the clue walkthrough, erm, a few times. And one more reason why I shouldn't be playing games like this is my impatience in wanting to find out the whole story, so I tend to give up really fast when I get stuck. Fail. Haha.

---

School's been breezing by and the weeks are flying. Its another month more in Seattle, then 1 more month around the US with Andre the travelling buddy. =) I do miss people at home already, so it's time to go back.

---

PS I GOT MY PICTURE WITH THE MARINER MOOSE. SIBEH HAPPY.

velda.

election thoughts.

2011-05-08T01:40:00.002-07:00

some stuff that ran through my mind watching the live coverage on cna and following #sgelections on twitter this morning from 630am:

1) vox pops allowed me to hear that familiar birdcall in the background. OOWOO. gandong.

2) lipton advertisement uses Pure Imagination as its BGM. awesome.

3) malay reporter talking about the supposed gay agenda of opposition with a straight face.

4) twitter is more exciting than CNA. and funnier.

5) screw CNA, I shall just follow twitter.

6) returning officer made me laugh till I cried.

7) five more years before its happy days again. time passes really fast. gosh I'll be almost 29.

velda.

may06.

2011-05-07T00:56:00.002-07:00

曲：Kernkraft 400 (Sport Chant Stadium Remix) - Zombie Nation

Four days of baseball, culminating in the most exciting game I've ever watched - a walkoff 3-2 win against the Chicago White Sox. Haven't blogged, mainly because the games end at 10pm every night, and we're only back home at 11plus. Have to thank Sarah and Cheryl for keeping me company the first two days, and everyone else for wanting to come to the game with me. It was super, seeing that the M's won 3 of those 4 games I went to.

---

Tired out. But it's times like that, you know. Oh well. 逢いたいけど逢えない。

need to be yp in 3 hours plus to watch live coverage of the GE. will update. Now my eyes are closing.

velda.

further than this.

2011-05-02T15:03:00.004-07:00

曲：We can go - 鬼束ちひろ

I LOVE my NTU professors. Just had an email from a potential undergraduate in LMS telling me she got her place after being interviewed by Ying Ying and James. This made me miss LMS so much I went back to look at the LMS website. And I realise how much I miss the professors back home. These are the times where I miss Singapore uncontrollably, really. It might seem a bit odd to someone not from LMS, but the fact is that LMS has really cultivated a sense of family, especially among us, the pioneer batch.

Just saw that Frantisek's wife is a part-time professor in the division, awesome much. I love these husband-wife linguistic pairs in our division.

Anyway, I'm digressing again. The reason for the blog post after this surge of warm feelings towards NTU LMS is the fact that I have to start thinking about what I want to do when I graduate in about a year's time. Francesco mentioned about doing my MA in NTU itself, but I always thought it was the trend to complete graduate studies elsewhere. Yet I don't think anywhere other than Singapore would be a good place to get started on a good topic for my thesis. And I might be running ahead of myself too, I don't even know if I will get offered a place to do my MA. But it's always good to think about it now. Mum wants to retire too, I know. When I was in poly it never occurred to me that I would be thinking about furthering my studies at this present moment. Mum had a surprise, too, when I first mentioned it, I think.

And I have the feeling if I take the plunge to do a PhD it wouldn't be in Singapore. Hong Kong sounds good right now. It's hard, isn't it, to leave for a foreign place and leave loved ones behind. I must think. 6 months looks like the max for me right now - I'm not as high or affected by a lot in Seattle anymore. I miss seeing people I used to take for granted I would see everyday. Now I realise when I'm back I won't see them that often either. And that sucks.

I'm just writing as the thoughts come into my head so this post seems less planned than the ones before. It could also be because I'm in the library in full view of anyone walking behind me, so I'm a little self-conscious.

Time to go home. Yakiudon attempt 2 coming up. I think it's going to taste different from attempt 1. Heheh Cheryl and Sarah are both uncomplaining guinea pigs, though. =)

velda.

hajimete.

2011-04-28T18:37:00.006-07:00

Long day. And it hasn't ended, at the Seattle Central Library now for a talk about Deaf Nikkei immigrants in US internment camps and the discrimination they faced because they couldn't communicate with the US military internment camp staff. I feel a bit out of place at the moment though, everyone's signing around and behind and past me and I feel like I'm blocking everyone. It seems rude to stare at all the conversations going on around me, but I cannot help it. It's an inspiring moment, this, my first experience in the Deaf community. I need to remember this moment. It's chaotic with signing, everyone's talking to everyone else, but all I'm hearing are deaf sounds, and sporadic bursts of laughter. Somehow I'm strangely excited. Shall update this post with my thoughts on the talk soon.

*EDIT it took me some time to compose my thoughts after walking out of the library. I was affected, I think, but I didn't know exactly by what. I suddenly felt the need to hold on tight to what I had or who I treasured in my life. I think what affected me most was a former UW professor who had spent his entire life studying Japanese-Americans in Seattle, who stood up after the presentation to say that in his 50 years of research, it has never occurred to him that there would be deaf Japanese-Americans in the concentration camps. He got up to salute the presenter, deaf historian Newby Ely, and admitted to the whole crowd that he, a 70+ year old scholar, had missed out on something as important as this. That affected me. The fact that I felt out of place affected me too, and the fact that I couldn't understand what was being said around me. I think I walked out of the library a little different than when I went in.

---

Just saw a little boy with a cochlear implant two rows in front of me. 初めて見たことで、なんか不思議。

こういう時はあなたといたい；ネットで話すことだけではないね、やっぱり。

velda.

a resolution.

2011-04-25T13:41:00.002-07:00

I've decided that I'm going to take up Sign Language classes when I'm back in Singapore. Even though Lance says it's easier to pick up ASL first before SEE, and even though I have no idea how the Deaf community will accept a random linguist trying to see how she can make a difference.

Just a resolution, in that one month that I'm back before school starts. I need to fill my time, anyway.

velda.

more randomity.

2011-04-24T13:31:00.003-07:00

曲：掌紋 - 曹格

There is a round cigarette burn-like burn on my arm that I got from accidentally putting my arm over the rice cooker vent that day. It hurts when I try to type with my arm resting on the table edge. I wonder if it looks like I've been abused by someone. Haha.

Fried rice should never be cooked with new rice. Never. I should insist on it, instead of thinking it might work.

If I put on my earphones, Teahouse Kuanyin can seem like a Diogenes Club, almost. But I really am looking for some place like that in Singapore. A library isn't as conducive and intimate, and a cafe is almost always too noisy.

my favourite picture from yesterday's game - the sun setting behind Safeco. It was gorgeous.

Mariners baseball always makes me happy, even though we keep losing. I need to just go watch games after school or something. Everyday when I receive a game notification I get this feeling that I could be there watching it live. I should, seeing that its just another 2 months here. I won't even see the whole season through.

And I am seriously considering Japan for my grad trip, after being inspired by below mentioned uncle and aunt-to-be. In fact, nothing should be stopping me. I shall go to some ulu towns and onsens woohooo =) Any takers?

velda.

ryori o suru koto.

2011-04-22T10:02:00.004-07:00

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but cooking is really therapeutic. There is this something about cutting and chopping and putting things into a pot and have it come out amazing that satisfies some inner need in me. Sounds wrong but it really isn't. It gives me time to think too, and clear the thoughts in my head one by one. But it does take a lot of time.

*EDIT watching baseball and stirring porridge is doubly therapeutic. A winning game, that is.

---

最近頭の中いっぱいあります。でも考えると、やっぱいつものことでしょ？もう慣れてる。

velda.

sugoi.

2011-04-19T17:38:00.004-07:00

To say I'm proud of my uncle and Aunty Adeline will be a huge understatement, a big one among all the understatements I have been making recently. With Japan hit by the earthquake and subsequent nuclear crisis, they decided to make the trip to Inba, Chiba to run in a marathon to raise money in support of the earthquake victims. They were the only Singaporeans there. I do think they are an inspiration to all out there. To make the decision to go to Japan is to make a stand, and it is a strong stand, with so many Singaporeans worried about radiation and whatnot. But for something as meaningful as a fundraiser, I'd say why not.

---

And elections are happening May 7. My first election where I would be eligible to vote, and the first one that I think Jurong will finally be contested. It is rather heartwarming to see that the opposition parties are putting up this fight and deciding to contest, because even though we do know who will win, competition is always something that gives us a wakeup call and makes us realise that change can happen, albeit at a slower pace. So although I cannot be there, I do think the multitude of new voters who are now eligible to vote are all (well, mostly) people who will take some time to think about how their vote will count. We might see something interesting this year.

velda.

the end of the world.

2011-04-17T10:39:00.003-07:00

曲：無底洞 - 蔡健雅

I wonder at what age in your life you realise that the world doesn't spin for you; that it moves no matter what happens. And I wonder how you feel when that realisation hits you - probably kind of crummy I should think. Your first breakup, or a first death in the family, or something as heartwrenching as that. Crummy is probably kind of understating it.

Reminds me of Skeeter Davis' The End of the World, actually. This is going to be Sarah's breakup song, I think. It is kind of sad to the point of suicidal though.

But I'm just wondering. It is kind of too sunny today to be thinking too much about this.

velda.

a hug.

2011-04-13T10:01:00.005-07:00

you were the first to make me feel like I was going to cry, just by a hug. it was rather different from any other hug, it was not romantic, but it expressed so much unsaid emotion that tears sprung to my eyes. that made me realise a lot of things I didn't before. thank you, for making me feel like I meant something to you.

特別な意味ではないけどね、これ。彼みたいな男はもっといい女がいいの。私も、やっぱりもっと好きな人がいます。あの時言えないだけですね。

velda.

april le.

2011-04-10T10:17:00.003-07:00

曲：Desireless - Eagle-Eye Cherry

Eagle-Eye Cherry is kind of nice to listen to in the morning, over a cup of coffee. And I've just realise how genius of a place Uwajimaya is, to the point that they do sell OWL and SUPER brand instant coffee. Was rather going crazy inside yesterday. While we were there people were streaming out of Qwest Field after the Sounders game, and people were heading into Safeco Field next door for the 6pm start of the Mariners game. Love this kind of stuff. I've decided I'm going to stay above Uwajimaya when I retire so I would have my supply of Asian products and not miss a Mariners game seeing that it's just a 10 minute walk away.

okay, scrap that, the reviews for the place are crazy bad.

Last night was bad. The Mariners lost (again), I started running ahead of myself (again and all the time), and was sort of jolted back down to reality.

You really do need to stop running away with your thoughts, girl.

Oh, but it was amazing, the Opening Night ceremonies at Safeco. And baseball is amazing to watch live. And Ichiro looked great, as usual. And Mingxiu was observant enough to realise without Gutierrez in the outfield with Ichiro, our outfield looked pathetic. No one runs far enough to get the ball. But thanks, guys, for being such great people to watch with. Thanks, Mariners fans, for being so fun to sit with. Good lousy game, that was.

velda.

fangirling.

2011-04-07T22:50:00.003-07:00

曲：Sweet Memories - 松田聖子

Vance's voice is going to be featured in my next Pidgins and Creoles class. Super fun to be talking about Singlish in class, especially in something as apt as a Creoles course. Very excited, obviously. Though Vance's matched-guise isn't really the best example of really basilectal Singlish (his is mesolectal at best I think)

AND AND AND. The Mariners Opening Night is finally tomorrow. I'm kind of stopping myself from thinking about it, because if I do I might really get too excited to sleep. Shouldn't get my hopes up, so I can be pleasantly surprised tomorrow. Even writing about it is kind of not helping at all, so I should stop.

BUT OMG LET ME FANGIRL A BIT ICHIRO IS NOW LESS THAN TEN MILES AWAY FROM ME ACROSS LAKE WASHINGTON.

Sarah just made me down Asahi with her cause she couldn't sleep. Best. Now I'm feeling warm and toasty. =) Beer is good once in a while.

velda.

soliloquy.

2011-04-06T10:30:00.002-07:00

One day I need to bring the camera to the Quad; the Yoshino cherry trees blooming there hae some of the prettiest sakura I have ever seen. Even Ginza or Mitaka cannot really compare. The number of people taking photos at any one time is astounding. It's kind of nice to see that spring has really come, but seeing that the temperature is still below ten degrees it hasn't really set in yet.

Moriyama Naotaro is great for slow mornings like this - though he's singing about the end of summer it kind of works at the start of spring too. haha.

---

A soliloquy:

You know, we are strange and amusing creatures. We tend to forget that no one thinks exactly like us, and so we go through life being hurt and confused by what we think people think of us. We form our own conclusions based on what we think we observe, and what we think is best for us, (not) knowing that the only thing we're doing is trying to defend ourselves against any emotional hurt that we don't want. To show your true self is to be vulnerable, we think. But only by crossing that mental barrier will we see that hurt's just one part of the process.

Being vulnerable to someone you love isn't that bad, I guess. It's hard to take the first step to try, but it does open up some kind of a path towards realising that we all need someone around.

---

And I wonder if we take these steps in cycles throughout our lives. I think I haven't had the courage to take that step once more.

velda.

imi nai jan.

2011-04-04T09:15:00.004-07:00

曲：Pink Moon - Nick Drake

Sometimes I don't know why my eyes open at 8am nowadays. Actually, I do, I just should stop, shouldn't I? School only starts at 12.30pm anyway. And at times it's worse at 6am.

I suddenly cnt write. Mental block, this.
こういう時あなたに気にするかな

So I shall upload something that made me laugh that day:

thank you guys =)

velda.

randoms.

2011-04-02T09:01:00.003-07:00

曲：At Last - Etta James

random early mornings as usual:

When you haven't had 3-in-1 coffee in the longest time, a cup of OWL sometimes hits the spot better than most roasts. Ironic that, being in Seattle.

Wang Hao's passing comment on how I should not pangseh everyone to watch baseball at home kinda hit home. I do tend to do that for baseball, I realise. It's going to be late nights now that season has started instead of early evenings. Shall leave the early evenings for friends.

Deaf studies class is going well; the readings are really thought-invoking. Lance Forshay is an inspiration.

Ichiro still as great and legendary in the first game yesterday in Oakland, his line: 2 hits, 1 R, 2 stolen bases, 1 BB, 1 RBI. Felix even more amazing by pitching all 9 innings. 24 years old and so so much talent. =) Granted, the A's were playing lousy baseball, but what a difference a year might make for the Mariners if you know when to take advantage. Keeping my fingers crossed.

あなたを支えたいけど、できない。
たまには心を広げなさい。

velda.

rollin'

2011-03-30T11:21:00.005-07:00

曲：Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival

Actually, now that I think about it,
it always was and always will continue to be confusing.
Well, that's the point of the whole thing, innit;
one can get exhilaratingly happy, yet depressingly down at times.
So it's just a matter of learning to roll with it.

---

Talking to Mummy is always good, even though she keeps telling me to spend less money. I am trying lah! Haha. And even though she keeps going I told you bakkwa cannot liao, ah see! I do miss her and Vance muchos sometimes.

velda.

yeah, you.

2011-03-29T09:08:00.006-07:00

almost crying out in frustration cause my package is not at the post office. twice I've been there, I've called and stayed on the phone for half an hour. and the effin' package is nowhere to be found. what's the point of Mummy making three trips to the post office in Singapore trying to send me something she knows I'll love only to have it lost on this side. one month and now it's missing. gosh.

---

and you're not helping. I hope you realise that you do affect my moods, even if I don't admit it. not to anyone else, but at least to myself I do.

---

velda.

*EDIT I really do think universities like NTU should impose a criteria that every undergraduate has to do at least one minority studies class before they can graduate, so that you have some exposure to learning how to think about others besides yourself. And that's only going to happen if HSS expands and becomes bigg enough to offer classes in Deaf Studies, Minority Studies, Women Studies and the like. So, COME ON, NTU. Enough of that Engineering is Might mentality already.

500th.

2011-03-26T21:45:00.002-07:00

Been procrastinating on this 500th post for a while now - just couldn't bring myself to write. Maybe I couldn't think of what to write; surprising, that, seeing that I just came back from Orlando and spring break. Sounds awfully atas and everything but in fact it was probably more loathing myself for being so conformist and buying everything I see than anything else. Orlando was neither mind-blowing nor breathtakingly awesome, but at least it had good, touristy things to do which we did dutifully, then probably will forget in months to come. Not like the strip malls and endless restaurant chains along one street will be much to write home about anyway.

But enough of my dazzling optimism here.

Before we reached Florida, though, I managed to talk to Xinying on Skype. Haven't seen her in a while - I realised she's still my favourite cousin after all. She would always be around to listen to random things that come out from me mouth. And she never forgets her promises. Love her.

And there it is, touristy thing no. 2098 we did - taking pictures with Dora the Explorer and Diego (all this while I thought Diego was Dora's boyfriend, but apparently that's too risque for a children's show, so Diego's her cousin) with Cheryl holding a churro in her hand. How happy holidaymakers we look. More pictures are up on facebook.

Okay, I sound very bad here - I did enjoy the rides and the shopping, and the new friends I made. It was not all disappointing and such. Maybe its PMS time though - causes the words I type to come out automatically sounding like I'm going through menopause.

Doesn't help that I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Which happens every week, incidentally.

velda.

lunch no joou.

2011-03-22T21:16:00.002-07:00

「涙とともに食べた人でなければ、
人生の味はわからない。」

by　ゲーテ

"If you've never eaten while crying
you don t know what life tastes like."

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

velda.

gokekkon omedetou!

2011-03-21T00:23:00.004-07:00

曲：Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - Sting

I'm so sorry I missed this, duagu, but it made my day when I saw this picture on the fb group. Awesome. =D

---

I know it sounds super cock, but everytime I change a new layout the process of changing the html is kind of therapeutic. In the past, with an ingenious method of copying, pasting and viewing html sources I managed to come up with my own layout, but recently I got tired of that, so I just tweak existing ones.

We're off to Orlando tomorrow for a week. A little bit of good weather before school starts again for the second and last time.

if you look back, time does pass really fast. I need you guys to have bak chor mee with me when I'm back okay.

velda.

at Suzzallo.

2011-03-17T10:18:00.003-07:00

曲：多少 - 陳奕迅

and yes, Velda did just spend another 120 bucks to subscribe to MLB.tv - baseball's lure is too great. Well, 120 dollars is less than subscribing to ESPN here bah. Still need to buy TV summore, right. Aiyah, she's done convincing herself, it doesn't work most of the time.

and yes, she's obviously procrastinating on her essay which is kind of due today in a few hours' time.

and I think Kobukuro shall keep her company in this flurry of essay-writing.

velda.

amenohi.

2011-03-14T06:51:00.002-07:00

曲：冷雨夜 - Beyond

冷雨夜我在你身邊盼望你會知

When you get rain like this in Singapore, you'd wake up in the early morning to stand by the window to breathe in the freshness of the rain mixed with the smell of dawn, and then when you had your fill you'd go back to bed again with that blanket wrapped securely around yourself.

At least that's what I would do. Here in Seattle, you still do wrap that blanket tightly around yourself, but if you even venture to open the window you get hit by a blast of freezing rain and wind in your face, so it's just switching the heater on instead. The thoughts that go on in your head stay the same though.

---

I didn't really want to see the pictures of Japan after the earthquake and tsunami, so I held off for a couple of days. In the end I decided to click one of the multitude of links on facebook because I couldn't just ignore it anymore. Explosion after explosion in the nuclear reactor plants, aftershock after aftershock, and wave after wave of news pouring in on twitter and facebook and rss feeds. I skipped fast past the scenes of destruction, cause seeing them didn't help in any way. The pictures that stopped me in my tracks were the ones of the jieitai carrying the elderly and the stranded back to safety. The stories that touched me most were the tweets from the Japanese people, little stories of how people helped each other in the aftermath. It does sound a little cliche and all, but if times like this don't call for clicheness I don't know what will.

こういう時はあなたに分かって欲しい

velda.

SEA Opening Day.

2011-03-10T12:22:00.004-08:00

I just bought tickets to the Seattle Mariners Opening Day game against the Cleveland Indians on April 8th, at 7.10pm PST. I think I'm going to cry when I'm there. Maybe it's hard to understand how I would feel, but try if you might, to imagine a girl from Singapore watching baseball for so many years on the telly, wishing she could make it for a game that her favourite team is playing in.

Not only is she getting that dream fulfilled, she's watching it on Opening Day, at the Safe, where the players get introduced and the crowd would be awesome. Each player will run out of the tunnel to the loudest cheers imaginable, each fan will be on his feet singing a lusty version of The Star Spangled Banner, and each train will blow its horn in greeting as it passes behind in the yard. She will finally get to see Ichiro and Felix in the flesh, and see the retractable roof roll open to signal the start of the season.

Yeah, I think she might get a little teary-eyed.

velda.

逢いたくて　たまらないから旅に出た

2011-03-08T21:53:00.004-08:00

曲：Dear Woman - SMAP

SMAP
talking to oodori tsen always brings back the fangirl in me - in fact I think she's worse than me now; I haven't had the time to watch new dramas or listen to new songs, and she knows more about Arashi than I do, crazy girl. Haha. but yeah, talking to her made me go back to watch SMAP on youtube, and made me realise once again why Kimura Takuya is such a legend.

everyone who doesn't watch him on TV just thinks it's because he's just so fucking good-looking, but I think it's more than that. there are little actions here and there that probably took rehearsals in front of the mirror before he uses them in front of the camera, reactions and witty comebacks that probably took time behind the scenes to think of before being delivered. and I think he realised that long ago that just looking pretty in front of the camera was not enough, granted, a pretty face helps when you make mistakes, but it's all about the attitude.

I use a lot of commas hor.

TOKIO

EFFING MISS TOKIO. haven't heard them in a long time, really. also, they're probably the only group that can make me laugh till I cry while watching their variety shows. I think this video won't be up on youtube for long, seeing how Japanese TV networks are so anal. But it's super that they decided to play my favourite two songs of theirs in a medley =D Sorafune has amazing lyrics, and AMBITIOUS JAPAN! is just so characteristically TOKIO.

I think I'm going to spend the rest of the night youtubing liao. darn.

velda.

baseball.

2011-03-06T09:59:00.002-08:00

曲：Right Now - Love Psychedelico

With baseball spring training up and running in Arizona now my daily sites to visit have increased twofold; the 710 ESPN Mariners page and Shannon Drayer's blog, the mariners.com site, the Seattle Times etc. Suddenly it feels great to be reading articles and updates from these writers again. That morning I sat up listening to Brock and Salk on the radio and realised with a jolt that Brock and Salk were just minutes away off the I-5. Kind of the same feeling I got when I saw Safeco Field for the first time when the plane was landing in Seatac. Cannot wait for gameday.

--

And suddenly what she said makes perfect sense. I just realised I agreed so readily probably cause I knew that right from the start.
キャラが合ってるけど、今の彼は無理だって。

--

More to write about, but it's been 9, 10 weeks of doing and experiencing more things than I would ever have packed into 9, 10 weeks back home in Singapore, and I think I'm finally feeling the strain. Yesterday's long bath and a documentary after was therapeutic, so was the genmaicha in Teahouse Kuanyin and Stephen Fry in America on the Kindle.

Finals next week. Focus on the now, I think. I sound like Marcus I realise, he has these ideas about life that sometimes do make sense. Sometimes.

velda.

おひとりさま

2011-03-03T08:00:00.001-08:00

「独りが好き」って言うの　と
「誰も必要ない」って言うのは、
別の事ですよ。

I've never realised how true that is. Nice one.

velda.

zao an.

2011-03-01T08:00:00.005-08:00

Some random early morning thoughts:

I've always found it strange when people like their own comment on Facebook. How could you, when obviously you made that comment because you liked it and how it sounded? So liking your own comment isn't liking the comment, it's liking the fact that you posted that comment, no?

My Hong Kong Sign Language dictionary is not only huge and crazy heavy, but it contains photo after photo of this beng guy with center parting hair showing the different signs. It's quite funny when you realise halfway through he cut his hair, and had it slicked back Chow Yun-Fatt style.

I wonder if anyone remembers this set of books about gnomes called The Secret Book of the Gnomes? It's about how gnomes lived their lives in harmony with the environment - did some googling and I found them, though they're OOS on Amazon right now. Pity, cause I would really want to buy them again. I had them when I was young, and I loved them so much I totally wanted to move to Scandinavia. I remember how they were so prettily illustrated, and basically all my childhood info about reindeer, lichen and gnomes, of course, were from those books. haha. Need to head to the used bookstore district soon.

Focus, velda. You need to get some work done. Strange how your emotional state can change so fast sometimes.

velda.

mou ii.

2011-02-26T10:12:00.002-08:00

okay im done.

really.

もういいって。

velda.

*edit weather.com makes me depressed..
and Rudy made me cry so much last night. i think it was supposed to be suepr inspirational. My heart just went out to those boys.

sorafune.

2011-02-25T02:11:00.002-08:00

曲：宙船 - TOKIO

TOKIO haven't had a song as good as this in a while. Suddenly missed Nagase Tomoya in Mukodono so I went back to watch it. Cried my eyes out as usual; the only show that can, really. I might have watched it like ten times or more already. Time to go back to my classic dramas. It's so hard to imagine that the guy who wrote Mukodono wrote ROOKIES and Hito ni Yasashiku too, though. But they all turn on the waterworks for me. Now don't say I cry at every show, at least I don't at the lame ones. Haha.

---

It's difficult.
It's so difficult my brain and my hands are doing two separate things altogether.
Oh my gosh I cannot think.

Thank you mm, for letting me talk it out. Ironic, that you I wanted to talk to, I couldn't talk to.

決めた。何もしないふりをする。あなたの行動で動く。

---

velda.

reminiscing.

2011-02-22T15:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote this in 2008. Still true, almost three years down the road.

October 26, 2008 8:41 AM

it rears its head.

曲：truth - 嵐

its this shadow that follows me wherever i go. the side that is malicious, selfish, and thoroughly despicable. the side that doesnt want to listen to reason, that wants her own way. and sometimes it rears its ugly head when im alone, and it makes me want to hate and do scary stuff.

i think everyone has this side to them. the side that they dont usually show to anyone, something they keep very private to themselves. its the side that sometimes you get a glimpse of when that person is off-guard, when he doesnt notice. and then when you see it, you feel that unpleasantness, but its gone in a flash.

perhaps it feels a little like naruse ryo in maou.

maybe its just lack of self confidence. and the pimple's not helping.

and it just makes me want to scream my lungs out.

ill go to bed, and wake up in the morning refreshed, i hope.

velda.

velda.

16km.

2011-02-21T00:30:00.003-08:00

曲：The Horses - Daryl Braithwaite

We walked 16km today. We, as in Mingxiu, Sarah, Tong, Wang Hao, and I. Sixteen kilometres, we amazing people. The pictures won't be up till we go back to Seattle, but I think we were all awed by the views we saw today. I couldn't have captured it as perfectly as we saw it today on camera - the prairies, the woods, the lagoon, the oceans, and the final view at the lighthouse. I wished I could have shared it with you, though.

分からないの。あなたは実際に私のことを気になるのかな。

Thought about how 6 months in this country would change me as we were hiking today. Think I might be in a hurry to change, myself.

velda.

randomity II.

2011-02-19T08:16:00.002-08:00

I just realised people who are naturally emo get so happy when they are (happy), and straight down in the dumps when they're not. They fall harder than anyone else when something bad happens, and then suddenly it's their friends who have to pull them out.

A little bipolar isn't it? But I've heard somewhere that having bipolar disorders works better than just having depression, cause at least there's still the manic part.

tangyuannight.

2011-02-18T00:17:00.003-08:00

曲：Run - Stephen Fretwell

Really love the song. One of his best, (un)fortunately, so I'm kind of hoping he will come up with some new stuff soon. Think he would grow in the third album; his lyrics and songs in the second one did sound better.

It's the Presidents' Day Weekend, and we're heading to the San Juan Islands in 4 hours time. Just thought I'd check in. 2 hour bus ride, and a 1 hour ferry ride I think. You know, I think these are the things in the US I want to see before going home. San Juan Island is beautiful, or so I heard. Pictures to come.

---

And like I said, because you're overseas, you tend to want to hang on to traditions a bit more. I've never done tangyuan in my whole entire life in Singapore, but today, when you're making tangyuan with a group of friends, crowding around the pot with ginger and brown sugar, you realise how important these little traditions are. It's not really about why you eat tangyuan on the last day of the new year celebrations, but it's the random things you laugh and talk about and the bonds you make. Kind of emo-cliche ish, but I guess it's true cause it kind of is.

Seeing the laojiaos in Yong Xi's and Doh's room was good. Skyping Andre when he was alone in his hotel room on his birthday was good too. I miss you guys, you know that.

And my eyes are closing, after waking up at 6.40am this morning. Sleep.

velda.

lost.

2011-02-15T10:15:00.004-08:00

曲: Comanche - Cake

Sometimes when this happens, I strangely start thinking of waking up at home (in Bukit Batok) in the morning, and walking out to get a good breakfast.

I think its that feeling of being lost and my mind desperately trying to find something familiar and lovely to hang on to.

Yeah, anata no koto dayo.

and today you tell the truth.

2011-02-13T20:07:00.008-08:00

曲：Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Stupid, stupid pride.

---

From Love Actually - I only watched that particular scene and not the whole movie, but I believe it's as apt today as it is at Christmas (and any other day, for that matter, but we're weak fucks that do these sort of things):

But for now, let me say
Without hope or agenda -
Just because it's Christmas;
(And at Christmas you tell the truth)

To me, you are perfect

And my wasted heart will love you
Until you look like this -

--

And the past few days have been a blur, so many people to meet and things to do - time seems to be passing faster than I expected. Ruilong was right, I think. She said looking backwards always seem fast, and that's why she does that, instead of looking at the five more months before Bobo comes home.

I wanted to write about our visit to the Experience Music Project and the Science Fiction Museum yesterday but somehow I cannot seem to find the correct words to express my thoughts walking through the building. And I didn't bring the camera out on Saturday so I don't have pictures as well. Need to remember to charge it dangg.

velda.

PS to bradi Darryn Lim: congrats on the 3 years dude, I'm proud of you. =)
PPS to Andre He: NO MORE shocking news k! My heart cnt take it sia. But like I said, I'm happy for ya.

ruyiyou.

2011-02-12T08:42:00.003-08:00

曲：涙のキッス - サザンオールスターズ

The wonders of 如意油 - woke up with an awful stomachache but it immediately put me at ease. The smell reminds me of home too. So glad I brought it.

Arashi is really great for motivating gym sessions, listening to their songs make you want to run a little bit more. I see why they made me so happy in my teenage years now.

Food in Chinatown makes me feel happy - super love noodles.

And I'm going to start watching Precious, but I'm afraid I would be too appalled by the storyline to continue.

Random thoughts on a Saturday morning - i think it's because I'm a little lost.

意味分かんない。

velda.

thoughts.

2011-02-10T11:34:00.004-08:00

This fluctuation of emotions is not optimal. I feel like a menstrual cycle. Maybe Wang Hao was right - I shouldn't let myself be influenced by too much 有的没有的 on my part.

待ち続けるって辛いよね。

---

And I think I know now why I want to keep a cat rather than a dog as my first pet. it's rather like the Mariners. Whenever they win, the amount of surprise and pride I get makes me happy for days on end. I mean, if you support a team like Manchester United, or the New York Yankees, life becomes a bit boring after a while, when it's always win win win. And similarly when the cat rubs against your legs, or puts her head on your tummy to watch you read, your heart just melts and you would be in more in love for days on end too. You expect that from the dog all the time it becomes like a routine I think.

A cat, then.

---

velda.

and so this is cny...

2011-02-07T22:18:00.003-08:00

曲：JUPITER - 平原綾香

Chinese New Year in Seattle brings with it a host of weird happenings:

1) no oranges here in Seattle = mum has to pretend to receive oranges magicked from me through the computer screen.

2) mum says she never wear makeup not chio enough, so I ended up bai nian-ing to her makeover picture.

3) andre (in lijiang at tt time) suddenly appearing on my screen looking like bae yong jun with a very singaporean face gave me the shock of my life. I didn't know hair can grow so fast in one plus months.

4) four girls bitching on oovoo during the chinese new year period, confirm tio karma one.

I cooked udon today. it was surprisingly super good, if I might say so myself. I think next time I need to try yakiudon or curry udon alr. =D

and KNN, neighbour who is blasting ur stereo system with tt horrendous bass enhancer or whatever, THE BOOMING IS SEEPING THROUGH THE WALLS INTO MY HEAD.

velda.

zi zao.

2011-02-04T12:13:00.005-08:00

some really disgusting news just after my midterm geography paper - serves me right for searching in the first place, but my fingers move faster than my mind does when I'm on google sometimes.

that was a period in my life that I don't really want to remember, but it irks me to no end that I allowed myself to let myself go, if that makes sense at all. I think I grew up from that, and I wonder if that's why I've become rather reticent when it comes to these matters.

---

でもあなたがいないなら、私は回復していけないだろう。

velda.

*edit I suddenly miss the scenes of closed hawker centers and an uncle washing the floors late at night. I know its kind of a random thing to miss, but I do. It always makes me think of how that hawker center will look like the next morning when it's packed with people looking for a good weekend breakfast. =)

the price is right.

2011-02-01T23:38:00.002-08:00

found on facebook - comments on my birthday dinner at raffles courtyard:

Velda Khoo man tou FTW!
01 December 2010 at 21:13 · Like

Darryn Lim fried mantou ftw :D
01 December 2010 at 21:36 · Like ·

Andre He free fried mantou ftw
01 December 2010 at 21:37 · Like ·

Jessica Nasr Haha! How much did you guys end up paying for that gourmet meal?
01 December 2010 at 23:30 · Like ·

Darryn Lim lol the price of friendship lor :D
01 December 2010 at 23:30 · Like ·

Jessica Nasr Seriously lah..
01 December 2010 at 23:31 · Like ·

Andre He the price of friendship has increased by ten folds after inflation
01 December 2010 at 23:32 · Like ·

made my day, guys. lol-ed seriously in my room. hahah

velda.

love.

2011-02-01T10:45:00.003-08:00

曲：明日には笑えるように - サスケ

and so February's here. January passed so fast I couldn't keep track with everything that was coming along.

so there are some things I really love about being in Seattle -

the thrift shops are amazing, you can get basic tees and gym pants for under 3 bucks, and maybe if you dig hard enough you can find clothes you would dare to wear out. the only Mariners tee I found (or rather, Sarah found) had JJ Putz's name at the back, so I didn't get it. >_<

the people walking around in baseball caps and hoodies really do understand the game, not eh-quite-chio-buy-from-pasar-malam kind. The number of people sporting the New York Yankees logo but not knowing its significance is rather low here; in fact, none. Nobody wants to get weird stares for supporting a team all the way on the East Coast that builds its team with money.

during this chinese new year period I realise that being overseas make you hold on to the traditions more. maybe when you're not having your typical new year you feel like you want to keep something close to your heart.

and as I sit here in my XXXL vintage coca-cola teeshirt ($2 at Seattle Goodwill) that I wear to sleep, I realise I do like it that I can go visit the stuff I've been wanting to visit, and do the things I've been wanting to do. And I'm grateful that even though I'll miss Chinese New Year back home, and duagu's (finally) wedding, and suiyi being back with her angmoh boyfriend, the Singaporean students here have been super awesome. My housemates aside, people like Mingxiu and her wonderful hospitality - the yusheng, gosh! Tong and Izzat with their cock comments that make me laugh, Wang Hao and Anthea, and how everyone is just nice in general. Back home in NTU I probably would never have met them and continued on with life being perfectly happy, but this is part of being on exchange, and I think I'm embracing it.

and I have no more time to write this cause I got to head for class. Will continue later.
*edit back from a long day, and I have midterms tomorrow.

velda.

众里寻他千百度

2011-01-29T11:34:00.001-08:00

众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处。

I loved that line when I first heard it in huan zhu ge ge. so, so true. the Chinese in the old days got it right, I think.

velda.

kindlekandle.

2011-01-26T19:33:00.002-08:00

I promised myself I would tackle the Philip Pullman trilogy once I got my Kindle; I'm glad I did wait, cause I'm glad Northern Lights is going to be the first book I'll finish on it. It's kind of like a milestone, I guess, and I'm glad it was something good.

Somehow I have this pride in the Kindle, it's not going to contain pirated, lousily formatted ebooks filled with spelling typos - it's going to have good classics and mysteries and fantasy. I think it should look like my bookshelf at home, sort of like books that I will pick up and read again, which is kind of the point of the Kindle anyway. I do foresee one trouble with an ebook reader though, it takes twice the time to skip a chapter or speed-read whenever I'm rereading something.

但这不是喜新厌旧。

My Tom Clancys and Agatha Christies still mix happily with the old-school Enid Blytons and Jeffrey Archers and the newer novels I've bought in the past few years, and my bookshelf's still going to be where I turn to when I need Jane Eyre, or Rainbow Six, or Kane and Abel, or one of those dog-eared favourites.

And the Kindle's going to complement that. Now all that's left is to give it a name.

velda.

portland.

2011-01-24T21:59:00.003-08:00

曲：我愛你 - 盧廣仲

the amount of homework as we head into midterm week is kind of making my days busier than ever. Now, besides to usual school stuff I have to mug for midterms in the library after school. Yes I know exchange students can slack a bit, but I just cannot bring myself to slack too much, seeing that I'm doing two Linguistic modules.

Portland was such an amazing experience; its the first time I've been to a city and felt like I could live there in the future. People were nice, streets were gorgeous, buildings were awe-inspiring and everything felt just perfect. And finally finally I understood why pro sports are played and supported the way they are - the NBA game was so good we all feel like going back for another game. Being the skeptic I am I know it wouldn't be as exciting as this first one, but I didn't want to burst everyone's bubble. It was just exhilarating, the game we watched. I don't think I can explain how it felt to be in the Rose Garden Arena with the other 20, 559 fans cheering for one team.

I finally heard Kernkraft 400 at a real live game, and they really do play Vengaboys and YMCA when we're winning. They really do clap and shout DE-FENSE everytime the Pacers go into offense, and amazingly, the section we were sitting in won something during 3rd Quarter break cause a little boy on the court was representing us in the basketball bowling game. HIgh-fives and hugs all around. And when the Blazers finally took the lead in the 4th Quarter we went crazy. Imagine if the whole of Hall 12 was there, I think it would have been great. =D

At the Greyhound station while waiting for the bus back to Seattle I just suddenly thought about the people around us, with their duffel bags and tickets clutched in their hands. Everyone was going back to Seattle, but we all had a different reason for being in Portland. Not everyone had the best two days of their lives in the States like us; they all had different stories to tell. I guess that was why I chose to do media in the first place, so that I could find out and tell those stories. I almost forgot that already. Just one of the many thoughts on the 3-hour journey back.

velda.

benson's nursery rhymes.

2011-01-19T22:44:00.003-08:00

ONE ||
baa baa black sheep
have you any woof
yes sir yes sir
three black woof

one for my mother
one for my maid
one for my little sister teh teh tehhhh

---

TWO ||
mary have a little lamb
little lamb little lamb
mary have a little lamb
little little lamb

---

THREE ||
london bridge is falling down
falling down falling down
lonsdon bridge is falling down
falling falling down

you'd realise they all have the same form.

velda.

一番辛い事

2011-01-18T22:11:00.002-08:00

曲：It's Gonna Rain - A Moment in Time

一番辛い事って

逢いたいけど
逢えないこと；
好きだけど
言えないこと。

あと
あなたを待ち続けること

---

I cannot believe I left the stove on today after cooking. I think my subconscious mind registered the orange light still switched on on the stove, but the message didn't register that something was wrong. Only when the smoke alarm went off did I realise what happened. Funnily enough I don't know why I didn't panic either, maybe cause there was no fire, really. Just a really hot pan, and a shrieking smoke detector. And that could be turned off by standing on a chair and pressing the button, while Sarah turned the hood of the stove on to get rid of the smoke. But kiam chye and pork and chilli padi really goes well together. Level up for Mother Wong; her recipe worked. I forgot the sugar though, hehe. Note to reader I am not usually that pathetic, but I think I was suffering from hope-the-recipe-worked-so-weird-how-come-kiam-chye-can-go-with-pork syndrome at that time. I think that's why I forgot the stove. Oh well. It won't happen again.

Big Fat Quiz was rather boring this year, but was saved by the amazing Noel Fielding. Benson's arriving at Seatac tmr woohoo steamboat and banana crumble!

velda.

oneam.

2011-01-17T00:57:00.003-08:00

曲：Another Saturday Night - Sam Cooke

Noel's Christmas Presents 2010 just killed me again; crying like eff in the darkened room with my headphones on. I know it's a commercial thing, I know it's all about the ratings, but the amazing people that receive presents from Noel Edmonds just make me feel so inadequate and speechless sometimes. I can't cry lah, my tears are hurting the raw skin near my eyes that is a bit dry from the weather here.

Next thing on the Youtube agenda: Big Fat Quiz Of The Year 2010
At least that's not going to make me cry and say ouch at the same time.

And Sam Cooke is rather helpful in stopping the tears. Love the voice.

velda.

PS just heard sirens passing by on the road outside. Something else you don't get in Singapore, I guess.

SKY-PEE.

2011-01-14T21:47:00.003-08:00

曲：Shiver Me Timbers - Tom Waits

Finally finally finally managed to skype mummy and vance - first time I've seen their faces since that day at the airport. They were being cek ark still - vance had to eat prawn mee in front of me! =( damn it siaaaa I miss my favourite bukit batok breakfast/lunch/meal whenever I feel like it.

But the quality of vance's louya built-in webcam was so bad I couldn't really see them clearly. His laptop has been making weird sounds since kingdom come, so that affected the sound quality as well. I think it's protesting against the porn. Soon ill be able to speak to siyi and suiyi and maah-maah as well when he gets that new webcam, and that'll be fun. He'd better get that settled; his St. Louis Cardinals hoodie is on its way here.

---

Was watching Google Me on hulu, and cringing nod shots notwithstanding, it was an amazing feature film about the director, Jim Killeen, googling his name and tracking down other people of the same name and meeting them to learn about their stories.

I thoroughly enjoyed it; my favourite Jim Killeens being Father Jim Killeen from Ireland (bottom left), and Jim Killeen from Melbourne, Australia (bottom right). I didn't know what exactly I liked about the show though, maybe it was just the whole idea of it, of people opening up and willing to let their stories be known just because they had the same name as someone else in this world.

---

And it's been two weeks here. Slowly getting used to reacting to people in shops, in school, and to the environment in general. Seattle's going to be something different, I know.

I know.

---

velda.

Scar

2011-01-12T22:36:00.003-08:00

曲：Scar - Stephen Fretwell

I still don't know,what I should say
Does it get annoying, with me wastin' the day
Fallen in drunk
Drunken I fell
Fell for your spell

velda.

sockgorilla.

2011-01-10T16:52:00.002-08:00

曲：I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) - Aretha Franklin (feat. George Michael)

one note: I didn't dye my hair to a horrendous red - I think the lighting and the camera caused it to look like this. But the point of the photo is to say I finally found my sock er, gorilla - at the Museum of History and Industry just off the school campus. They were selling sock monkeys as well, but the gorilla was so much cuter, and so I snapped it up. Spent so much money on the weekend I was kind of afraid I would continue on this trend, so this week I'm going to be Little Miss Thrifty. Need to constantly remind myself I have like 6 more months here.

But it's been good - I've sort of gained enlightenment regarding things back home in Singapore. It sounds super geeky, but I really enjoy lessons even though I still feel out of place. Professors speak well, and have super things to talk about. I'm not planning to slog extremely hard for my courses, but there's this thing in me that makes me want to hand in at least quality work, so I anticipate long homework nights actually.

Six months of this life sounds really good right now. And it's my turn to cook dinner today. Whooops.

velda.

it does.

2011-01-07T18:06:00.004-08:00

小さな声で「がんばって」って

[...]

sometimes the music helps.

UWclasses.

2011-01-05T14:00:00.004-08:00

頭の中がいっぱい
話せない事とか

あなたに言いたいけどできない
だって　−
いない

don't keep making me give in.

---

I cleaned the toilets today! Feeling awfully proud of myself, but somehow when you get your own place you relish in making it nice and clean. And I enjoyed doing the cleaning as well, actually. Hope I don't turn out like those housewifey neat freaks; I don't think I will I'm messy enough usually.

Classes have been amazing so far - I'm enrolled for LING 403 this sem - the Structure of American Sign Language. I never enjoyed a lecture so much, really. I mean, of course the professors back home are great, but the topic on ASL is fascinating, and I'm really glad I got a place in this class. Doing Human Communication Disorders with Cheryl and Sarah as well as Geography of Cities. GEOG today was an eye-opener; you tend to forget how differently people think when like in NTU you're always around Linguistics majors.

Think Sarah or Cheryl have shots of the campus, they'll probably put them up soon. I didn't really bother with photos if everyone's taking the same things, or if I don't see anything that looks like its a good shot. Too cold alr. Haha.

I'd write more, but I have homework to do. This freedom is rather liberating, I don't have to worry about work/research outside class, or hall stuff this quarter. Suddenly I have time and energy to do homework, which is a rather weird feeling. I miss people at home terribly, but it's going to be alright. At least that's what I tell myself.

velda.

*EDIT oh and in between the studying I managed to find James May's Toy Stories, where he builds 1:1 scale models of toys - after watching Top Gear I realise how amazingly smart this man is, much much better than that arrogant berk Jeremy Clarkson (though he is funny sometimes I admit). I don't like old men, lah. But then he's so knowledgeable it's rather inspiring.

oh happy day.

2011-01-03T23:17:00.003-08:00

曲：Oh Happy Day - Ryan Toby & The St. Francis Choir (Sister Act II OST)

Sarah was singing this today when we finally reached back home after a long long (it seemed) day walking around in school and trying to orientate ourselves. The campus was really beautiful, even in winter, though the trees were bare and the grass was sparse. In the spring when the sakura blooms I think I'd fall in love again with the place. The buildings dotting the campus were amazing enough. The University Bookstore was somewhere I could spend the better half of the day in - it's what a bookstore should look like, Yun Nam.

Missing people back home, though. =)

[...]

Don't you think you could put a lot of unsaid things into a hug? Stephen Fry just read a line about that on the audiobook. I wonder.

なんかあなたの顔が見たい

velda.

Seattle, WA.

2011-01-01T22:55:00.004-08:00

曲：Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Audiobook) - Stephen Fry

Super happy - this absolute gem of an audiobook is super great to listen to at night tucked in the blanket in my room. Stephen Fry is so British it's just perfect for reading Harry Potter.

Have been spending the past couple of days settling in to Seattle. I think I know the neighbourhood quite well now; can find my way to the main stores quite easily. We had an amazing Thai dinner the first night, and a cosy cosy steamboat today with housemates and Tong. Now before this turns into a boring post on our probably less than interesting to anyone else life, I'll shut up. But I have biceps that can tong any kind of weight now. Rice and bottles of sauces one trip, milk and juices on another. Not forgetting the luggage and the snow. Haha.

Cheryl, Sarah and I passed a quiet New Year's yesterday. From our apartment you could see the Space Needle in the distance, and at midnight you could glimpse some fireworks, which was what we did from the window. Somehow I like it like this - never really was one for the crazy parties - so far the past few New Years have been a toast of something alcoholic in Jessnasr's house with everyone. And so this quiet New Year was great in its own quiet way.

2010's passed in a flash, really. So many things happen that I don't remember, but I think its a year of creating and maintaining relationships for me. I think I like it that way. I don't know how many times I've thought how lucky I am just because of all these people around me, so thank you, if you've been part of my life this past year ♥ 2011 will be life-changing, I feel, so I'm just letting things happen as they come.

We're having early nights here in Westwood, everyone's in their room and in bed by 11pm. I'm totally loving the audiobook just before I fall asleep too.

velda.

timecheck II.

2010-12-31T02:12:00.003-08:00

time check: 5.12am at John F. Kennedy International Airport

waiting for a 6.40am flight into Salt Lake City, and I'm so happy I managed to figure out the self check-in thing I just bought Internet access for a month or something. haha. Well, I do have 1 plus hour to go, so I'm glad I can go online anyway. Lucky I came early to the airport - the whole process is totally different from Changi. And that nice lady (who was going to Seattle too!) I met told me that luckily I came early, cause the queue in a bit would be crazy with people trying to get into flights.

kind of sad I won't get to see the new year's eve celebrations at Times Square, cause its kind of so near yet so far, but finally I'm getting into Seattle. Will check in again once I reach Seattle, and I think with so much excitement in the past week I just want to settle in to the chio apartment (according to Cheryl) and pass 2010 quietly.

あなたがいるだけで強くなりました。ありがとうね。

velda.

trials and blessings.

2010-12-29T02:48:00.003-08:00

woke up at 5.30am with a jolt and suddenly felt really really alone. I know I ought to be happy that everyone's safely in Seattle now - I am, I just want so badly to be there too.

it was an amazing two days in New York, and then an unbelievable two more trying to get out of it. While Benson, Ziyou and his friends were great people to shop and eat and laugh with, I know Cheryl and Sarah are waiting for me in Seattle, really.

I sound like I'm whining. I guess I can't whine elsewhere, so I'll whine here.

When I left Benson and the rest at the train station and carried my luggage down the stairs alone to get on the subway, it was kind of scary.
When I reached Jamaica station and realised there were no taxis on the street, it was kind of scary.
When I had to lug my bags in 2 feet of snow a few hundred metres to find one, it was scary too.
When I had to go down to the hotel lobby to collect food, it was scary cause you don't know how many people were stranded in the lobby, and whether you were conspicuously different.
And even now, JFK is not running on full mode yet, so flights are still delayed. It is scary cause my flight out on Friday might still be delayed and then I would have to stay at the airport.

but there were blessings as well,

waiting in the snow, with my feet and hands frozen, one lone taxi stopped for me. He was the only taxi I could see for miles ahead on the road, and it was lucky I lugged my bags those few hundred metres down.

on the way to the hotel he gave me a lot of advice, and I couldn't help tearing at the back of the cab, when he went, "Hey no worries, mam, I'm a Muslim, and in our religion we have to protect the ladies, mam. Have to make sure they're safe, you know? Don't you come out of the hotel by yourself; you're lucky you found me."

my hotel check-in was blessedly fast, and the room was beyond what I expected. That's a blessing if you have to be here for 4 nights, like me.

unlike people stranded in the airport I had a hotel room, and that's a good good thing.

the girl on the Delta Flightline, though swamped with calls and bookings, told me that because I was nice to her, she'd try her best to get me the earliest available flight. "I have to help every single customer, but because, Velda, you have been so patient and nice about it, you make me want to help more. I'll do my best to get you out of New York as soon as possible."

there's free internet in this hotel, allowing me to talk to friends and family who could calm me down. I know I always put on a strong front, and I have to stay strong for the people who are depending on me, but sometimes in situations like this I just need a good cry and some support. So thank you, everyone who's been chatting to me online, you just cannot imagine how much you guys are helping me pull through this.

I know things will work themselves out. It's an experience, I know, but one is enough to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.

velda.

hatsuyuki?!

2010-12-26T22:23:00.003-08:00

so I've experienced my first snowfall.
at 11am it was falling prettily, and Winnie, Lifang and I were going crazy at our first snow experience, little flakes of snow falling on your face, no wind so it wasn't cold...

than it got really bad - doesn't help when you're carrying shopping and trying to brave 50 to 60 kilometre per hour winds and snow blowing straight into your face.
doesn't help when you get stuck in traffic for 4 hours cause the roads are blocked, and neither does it help when once you alight the bus you get blown over the wind into 2 feet of snow.

I cannot believe we walked/ran those four blocks in those conditions.

snow isn't that amazing, after all. especially if its the first freak blizzard of the year. our timing really cannot be better.

velda.

0654 at IIA.

2010-12-23T13:54:00.003-08:00

time check: 6:54am, Incheon International Airport

had a smooth 5h plus flight into Incheon - cannot understand the language, so still a bit lost, cause nothing's open yet at this time. The transit lounge's waking up I think, and maybe in a bit I shall go in search for breakfast.

4 more hours to my connecting flight, and so far things don't seem so hard.

I wanted to write cause I need to thank everyone who was there at the airport today for me. My family, LMS people, Hebe and Haedus, MS people, and hall ppl - thank you so much guys, you made me feel it's not easy to just go somewhere else to work or study because of the so much I'm leaving behind. I really didn't want to cry, but as I turned towards the departure gates I felt like running back to you guys. Gosh I'm weak.

But I shall be fine, because I know I'll be back in seven months' time a better person, and you guys will still be around for me as usual.

あなたへ：
やっぱりこういう状況になろうかなと思った；
でも大丈夫、
分からないけど、大丈夫みたい。

velda.

rahhgahhimsodead.

2010-12-21T17:23:00.003-08:00

Velda Khoo. you can do this. it's less than 2 days to your departure, and you're. still. not. packed.

yes I know, but I have to get everything settled first before I can leave. making sure I know Cheryl's, Sarah's and Tong's flights, getting the internet set up, communicating with Linda over at Westwood, and finding the eff out how to find Benson in NYC when I touch down. GOSH. oh yes, and bank draft to settle, insurance and trying to not freak out at course registrations.

I'm so stressed im talking to myself. this is crazy.

and I'm blogging. My room's in a mess now and I'm trying to figure out the fastest routes in town so I can chopchop buy all my stuff. woohoo. leaving house in 1/2 hour.

velda.

PS I feel like eating my favourite breakfast but NO TIME. knn.

*EDIT and my great friend andre, ex boyfriend of ex-preggers btw, has set up THE blog: here

you'd better make sure it's UPDATED please this time round, dude. haven't read your writing in a long time man. =)

huanggers.

2010-12-19T06:28:00.003-08:00

from huangger's blog back in '07:

vel just said something very funny... reaching into my chipsmore packet she said,"i'm finding my other half". i didn't know 'the other half's can be found inside a chipsmore bag... like that easy lo! if they sold your life partner in cheers...

miss those times being crazy with her.

I'm starting to pack now, luggage's in all and everything. the last paper seems somehow unimportant.

velda.

itoshikimie.

2010-12-18T10:53:00.004-08:00

愛し君へ　−　森山直太朗
Itoshi Kimi e - Moriyama Naotaro
To my beloved

This is the saddest song I've ever heard and been affected by - not because I had experience in losing a loved one to death
but because of how Moriyama Naotaro sings it, and the wonderfully sad, poignant lyrics.

It's so full of silent despair and desperation it just eats into you.

Spent time typing this out:

---

いっそ　抱きしめて　抱きしめて
離さないよ　このまま
傍にいてほしい
何も問わずに

hey, hug me close
hug me close don't let me go
just stay with me like this
and don't ask a single question

いっそ　最後まで　最後まで
信じられる力を
僕にください
例えばそれが　偽りでも

hey, give me the strength
to have faith till the end
even if that faith
is nothing but a lie

朝の光に　君が消えてしまいそうで
僕はまた眠った振りをした
眩しい過ぎる思い出たち
こっちを向いて　笑ってるよ
あの日溜まりの中で

I knew you will disappear
with the morning light;
I pretended to be asleep again
but the memories they dazzled me;
the sun was too bright

ね　愛し君よ　愛し君よ
どこにいるの
今すぐ　逢いに来てほしい

hey, my beloved
my beloved where are you
please, come meet me now

例えばそれが　幻でも

even if that
is nothing but an illusion

[...]

いいから
no, it's okay then

---

that last line is so hard to translate, and there's a long piano solo between that and the line before;
as if he was waiting for her to reply to his plea, but heard nothing

and that last line then seems like he lost all hope.

you can translate it in so many ways, actually, ii kara in different contexts can also sound like an encouragement like come on, its okay, don't be afraid or stop this nonsense now.

but I think it means no, it's okay then and he's given up.
only for that day though, because it's still a message to her
and he's waiting for the day she will come back
which of course wouldn't happen, cause she'd passed away.

wahlaos I love the Japanese lyrics. I might have made it simpler than it actually is, but it is a simple straightforward song, so I guess that's fine. Yet you know sometimes you cannot really capture that poignancy in another language.

velda.

beretsize9.

2010-12-18T01:02:00.004-08:00

Huiqi the camwhore zi pai pro does it again - we always look super good and happy in her pictures. Wahaha. Andre's turning gay, I think, though, in the second picture. Darryn and Bangkok better watch out. Hoho.

velda.

PS last few days in hall - in fact, I think today is last dinner day and Monday last night. =( This place has been good to me.

とっくにあなたのいる場所。

damymmnn.

2010-12-17T07:46:00.003-08:00

曲：Prologue - John Williams (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone OST)

too tired today to write in long paragraphs; i shall just stick to random sentences all jumbled together.

have met so many amazing people in NTU - not counting the friends I've known since year 1, but all the seemingly random people I don't know why I've managed to be close with even though I don't see how we did it.

Xi-wei, Michael - gosh I will miss you guys. Dinner today with LMS ppl and the two guys was hilarious, Mike was so full of nonsense about the best ways to empty your glass of water on someone I just kept laughing and laughing. Milkshakes were good as usual, love them both. =D

Jenn was really a random meet; she came to my door the day I moved in and that was that. Supper yesterday was awesome, and being the darling that she was she's being a great help for our US exchange.

said goodbye to Chor today after exam - Chor is one person I can laugh about random Japanese things to, and we'll both be like crazy little silly fangirls together. She's the only person I would do that too, though. Will miss her.

Am so royally screwed for this sem, but no one would really listen. =( but in truth during exams no one really listens.

today when I was saying goodbye to people I just kept going through in my head, will this be the last time I'll be seeing him/her before July? Didn't like it.

velda needs to focus.

*edit at 5am: forgot to mention how amazing Siang Ning is - she sent me a packlist with random points of information that she thought about to advise me on - all THIRTY SEVEN points in an email that was supposed to be short. love her.

there is crying in baseball.

2010-12-13T13:14:00.006-08:00

"Tom Hanks was wrong;
there is crying in baseball."

when you see grown men like Rick Rizzs and Jay Buhner breaking down when speaking of their beloved friend, your heart does go out to them. Jay Buhner is 6'3", has a shaved head, a goatee and looks his meanest in a uniform. But his tears make you realise there are more meaningful things to cry about, and this was one of them.

I forgot to mention the Dave Niehaus tribute had Ichiro in a video montage speaking in English of Dave as a great man.

Ichiro NEVER speaks in English in public, but this was for Dave, and so in his typical staid way he showed how important Dave had been to him.

---

あなたは本当に私を泣かせたいよね。

velda.

dave niehaus.

2010-12-11T23:56:00.004-08:00

曲：Simply The Best - Tina Turner

The groundskeepers tribute to Dave Niehaus' catchphrase, everytime something great happened during a Mariners game.

And the song they were playing at the end of the Dave Niehaus tribute.

I hang on every word you say was probably the only line I heard amidst tears and the montage of shots they put up for Dave, shots of the broadcast booth where Dave used to sit.

It was a great celebration of his life; fans gathered to listen to Rick Rizzs, Dave's son and daughter, Ron Fairly, and former Mariner greats Dan Wilson, Edgar Martinez, Jay Buhner, Mariners president Chuck Armstrong.. everyone had something great to say about Dave Niehaus, and it was an afternoon of crying and laughing, really. But the best eulogy came from the President of the WA Council for the Blind, where she talked about how Dave's voice on radio helped blind and visually impaired fans see the game - that was how amazing Dave was.

I started listening, albeit unconsciously, to Dave Niehaus in 2004 when Ichiro first broke the single season hits record at 258 hits - it was a big day for baseball, and a great moment, so everyone was tuning in.

and in those years after that when i wanted to watch Mariners baseball but couldn't cause Mariners games were not broadcast on ESPNStar, I listened to radio and watched the live play-by-play update with animated figures at the batter's box. And the voice that always greeted you at the start of every game was Dave's. I never knew that you could see baseball just by listening to a voice, but Dave Niehaus made it happen. I tried listening to other radio broadcasters, but seriously, no one could do it as well as he did, the pictures he painted.

When television was first introduced in the 50s and 60s, a teacher once asked his class, "Which is better, television or radio?" The whole class said TV, except for one little boy, who answered Radio.
"Why?" asked the teacher.
"The pictures are better."

People were thanking Dave for being the voice of their homes for so many decades; I wished I could say that, but at least I can say he was the voice that introduced me to the wonders of baseball, and made me realise that baseball was more than just an American sport, and more than just homeruns and strikes. I am really sorry I won't get to hear him next season, and like Rick Rizzs said, at the first homerun of spring training, the first 3 strikes out, the first grand slam, you'll miss him the most.

What a man.

velda.

googletranslate.

2010-12-10T19:36:00.004-08:00

I don't think you realised
but it's all been about you.

やっぱ気づかなかったかな
全部あなたの事で。

and no, google translate isn't that perfect yet.
cause if not all those linguists would be out of a job, wouldn't they?

velda.

gahh.

2010-12-07T23:29:00.007-08:00

*deleted entry, cause I don't think I wrote it for the right reasons...
don't think i deleted it for the right reasons either.

この待ち続けた一日、もう嫌だ。もういい。

freeezinggg.

2010-12-06T11:36:00.003-08:00

曲：I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) - Aretha Franklin and George Michael

Filled with sociolinguistic terms like nationalism and linguistic purity and identity nonsense - okay, I guess I'm not so willing to sit down and start thinking about things like that. Yet the Turkey report needs to be written, and HG222 paper needs to be completed. Why I chose to do a module on European linguistic issues I have no idea, but now 14 weeks into it I realise I don't really care for the EU after all. Would have made more sense for Francesco to arrange an Asian mod - though I guess not his expertise anymore.

Freezing in the games room but trying to get more typed out.
Aretha Franklin's voice is one of the few female voices I would sit still to listen.

What I felt probably wouldn't mean anything to you; I guess you wouldn't have asked my opinion either. I couldn't place my emotions suddenly, and I think that's why I broke down - because I felt so detached from you, even though I was looking at you straight in the face. But the thing is, I couldn't, wouldn't and never would have said anything.

BUT thank you. やっぱちょっとうれしいけどね。あなたからいっぱい勇気もらったと思う。

velda.

PS wonder if Cheryl would go for the Mariners Fanfest with me. A bit macam fangirl like that - go stadium to run the bases, get autographs and tour clubhouse.. a bit not very interesting for a non-fan hor o_O

nde.

2010-12-04T11:43:00.009-08:00

曲：Maryland - Vonda Shepard

Just spent 3 hours thinking up the outline for our Turkey report - and sort of trying to make it work like a revision for the Sociolinguistics of Europe paper coming up next Saturday. Amazing, I'm not in exam mode yet, but I think i don't really get there till I feel the stress. Probably start soon though.

Loads of stuff going through my head recently, gosh it's weird to be 23 all of a sudden; its like one day you're not, and then one day you are. I mean, it's not a special age or anything, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while. Think it's probably to do with all the upcoming changes - in life, at school, in general. Somehow I feel more grown up than usual. Not sure if it's good, I could be kidding myself.

---

are, mou neta?

I think we're crazy people, really. This way we'll never get out.
Ironic innit.
We really seem like just kids playing a kids' game.

Seriously, I can become too linguisticky sometimes.
And I think it's a curse, cause you think too much about what you write,
and whether it means what you want it to mean.
And maybe, after hitting the 'backspace' too many times,
you just give up on posting what you wanted to say in the beginning

and you'd think and think about whether anything that was said meant more than it probably did.

---

PS 彼女大丈夫なのかな。ちょっと心配。poor darling. 頑張ってね。

velda.

[2nd] December.

2010-12-01T18:44:00.004-08:00

曲：愛し君へ - 森山直太朗

you cannot do without a birthday post, I think.

this song expresses ALL my feelings for the wonderful people in my life; albeit being a love song, it does talk about how i always turn to you guys for support. I'm not as strong a person as I seem to be, but it's everyone around that makes me strong, really. It's a song for all the people I love so so much.

feeling a little melancholic on the morning of the birthday, and I think the reasons are tenfold this year.

and in every blog post I'm counting down to Seattle - its twenty days to my departure, and while I know it's going to be both scary and amazing at the same time, I really am trying not to think so much about it right now. There's simply so much to remember, treasure and miss back home.

sneaky linguistics people surprised me with cake at the end of Turkey presentation - was super embarrassed by everything, but it was sweet of them, really. but they were laughing at my embarrassment lah please.

raffles courtyard with darryn, ruini and andre - ah joe and william, being the great great people they are - gave us a fantastic dinner as usual. the hotel has changed so much, people, menu, everything - but it still holds a lot of memories for me. and to see william and ah joe cooking in the courtyard kitchen made me miss ah ford, calvin and wilson so so much. in the past I could look towards the kitchen and see them all plating some wonderful dish or something, now with all of them in macau it's not really going to happen anymore I think. and then I was so glad I bumped into kokchang, chandran and adam outside empire - they were hilarious as before, and they really reminded me of how much working at the hotel made me who I am today.

and then modesto's last night with the hall people and sherman and pam - super fun. I am really amazingly blessed with great people in my life, I think. was laughing like a maniac throughout dinner and throughout drinks as well. I couldn't complete the post a few entries back cause I really didn't know what to write, so many things cannot be expressed in just words alone, really. but I do love them, and I don't want to take their presence for granted, and so I'm just trying to keep everything in memory.

and Angels made me tear today. Gosh.

velda.

(no subject).

2010-11-29T10:32:00.003-08:00

何が言いたいですか？
どんどん分かんなくなってきた

Turkey presentation tomorrow. Let's get this over and done with, before I really get too sick of Ataturk and the EU.

velda.

that star in the sky

on a whim.

dareka.

yah, right.

august looks like this.

things to get used to back home.

630am for the nth time.

agatha christie.

LAX.

Sorry i didn't mean to call.

quarter-life.

手放開

so much to think about it's scary.

ganbannakya.

St Louis, MO.

mirai ga mieru.

On the road to Texas.

between the Capitol and Lincoln Memorial.

new york, new york (and a bit of brooklyn).

a thankyou note.

Hasta la vista.

its times like this.

yabai.

vancouverrr.

makoto.

over one day.

because I can, and will.

そのまま。

damnit.

I, gamer.

election thoughts.

may06.

further than this.

hajimete.

a resolution.

more randomity.

ryori o suru koto.

sugoi.

the end of the world.

a hug.

april le.

fangirling.

soliloquy.

imi nai jan.

randoms.

rollin'

yeah, you.

500th.

lunch no joou.

gokekkon omedetou!

at Suzzallo.

amenohi.

SEA Opening Day.

逢いたくて たまらないから旅に出た

baseball.

おひとりさま

zao an.

mou ii.

sorafune.

reminiscing.

16km.

randomity II.

tangyuannight.

lost.

and today you tell the truth.

ruyiyou.

thoughts.

and so this is cny...

zi zao.

the price is right.

love.

众里寻他千百度

kindlekandle.

portland.

benson's nursery rhymes.

一番辛い事

oneam.

SKY-PEE.

Scar

sockgorilla.

逢いたくて　たまらないから旅に出た